Another Name Ruined

When I first started thinking about names I liked for my future children, one of the very first that popped into my head was Jackson. Not Jack, but Jackson. The name sounded cool but truthfully it did come from somewhere. The Bible quoting sniper in "Saving Private Ryan" was named Jackson and that character is one of my all time favorites in movie history. I planned to name my future son, at least in part, after this character.

Then things started to happen. A friend of mine named his dog Jackson, the jerk. That put a slightly negative connotation around the name but it was still solid enough. Then it was pointed out to me that Jackson was one of the more popular names of the time. Anyone who knows me knows I hate to do anything everyone else is doing. My resolve on the name Jackson began to waver.

Then I became a teacher.

Any teacher can draw up harrowing images that a simple name can conjure up. Being a teacher, surrounded by demonic little beasts for years, can completely ruin a name. I always liked the name Cooper...until I taught three Cooper's that collectively took a year off of my life. No more Cooper. The number of Jackson's I have had in my classes over the last 2 years is somewhere in the dozen range. It truly is a very popular name. Unfortunately, of the 12 or so Jackson's I have come in contact with, only a couple were decent kids. And in fact, several of the others went beyond your run of the mill annoying, rambunctious, ADD-riddled kids that haunt the public school system. Several of them were without question direct descendants of Satan himself. The name Jackson begins to take on all kinds of negative connotations that are darn near impossible to shake. Today produced the final nail in the coffin. A new kid. His name is coincidentally Jackson. He begins class pretty well but by the end he has proven himself to be the anti-Christ. Yet another Jackson that has, in my mind, made Beelzebub a more appealing name for my future kid than the aforementioned.

So parents, if you're going to be lazy, if you're going to "withhold the rod," if you're more concerned with being your kids friend than his parent, if you think a 4 year old is capable of making all of his decisions without any consultation, or if you just have a hunch your child is going to be rotten (you know who you are), then please, name him something I hate. George, Charles, Patrick, Toby, Scott, etc. Or better yet, do us all a favor, and just go ahead and name them Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, Cane, Adolf, or something equally as disturbing in order to prepare us all for the chaos your little one is about to unleash on the earth.