Sunday, February 22, 2009

Imagination

I have a fairly active imagination. As a kid (okay, also as a teenager and possibly as recently as yesterday) I spent the vast majority of my time pretending to be an NBA superstar in my backyard. I would lower the goal, throw down some ridiculous dunks, and create astronomical stats to attach to my fame. Also from an early age my imagination took shape in writing and storytelling. In the 3rd grade my teacher asked each member of the class to write a short story (meaning, two paragraphs to a full page) based on a picture that she showed us. After heavy editing and cutting down on the sheer bulk of my work, I turned in a 12 page response that blew Ms. Stone’s mind, as I’m sure it came nowhere near to what she has anticipated receiving. My imagination took hold.

Imagination is a funny thing. It seems to be something we, as a society, value in children but frown upon later in life, save for a very few professions that require it. As we grow older, most of us learn that the things we imagine should be kept a little closer to the vest than say, displaying it for all to see in a 12 page “short” story. Daydreams are meant to be kept inside and eventually, I think many lose the real ability to imagine whatsoever. Perhaps the Imagination Chip (similar to the Emotion Chip that robots have in just about any sci-fi movie) is reactivated when we have kids who want bedtime stories that go beyond whatever’s happening on Dora the Explorer. But for many of us the imagination is left behind.

Sometimes I struggle with this. My imagination is often fervent in its desire to spring forth in the oddest of ways. At times I feel like John Dorian in “Scrubs” trying desperately to contain the absurd thoughts that sometimes run through my mind. Joking is the best remedy for this affliction and fortunately I am currently surrounded by people who are appreciative of what I like to call “Insane Hypothetical Situation Jokes” wherein I throw out an absurd scenario in which a person might say or do something even more absurd, usually at the expense of another friend within the group. Still there are times when I feel like the Logical section of my brain is in cahoots with my mouth to keep the Crazy Imagination section of my brain at bay.

I thought about this recently when a devastating tragedy took place on my street. As I was leaving my house for work one morning (okay, it was closer to noon) I saw a dead cat in the street. Sad, I thought. Upon turning the first corner I caught sight of a small rabbit that had been running around the neighborhood and it, too, was dead in the street. Also sad, I thought. As I turned the next corner, I was confronted with yet another body, this of a squirrel that had met an untimely end. That’s right, dear readers. On the same night, within a 20 yard radius, three animals of different species met their demise. In my mind, there were only three possible answers for this blood bath:

1.) It was just an unlucky night to be a loose animal on my street. On three separate occasions, three separate cars had inadvertently run over three separate animals. This seemed to be too coincidental for my liking;

2.) Some kid (or potentially my next door neighbor in a drunken stupor) had intentionally tracked down and killed these animals in a night of “Natural World Terror.” This also seemed unlikely, as I found it hard to believe that someone was walking around our quiet street, silently offing unsuspecting animals;

3.) The more likely conclusion, as my imagination would tell me, was that the previous evening had marked some sort of battle within the Animal Kingdom of Suburban Fort Worth. In my mind, a scene played out that was part “Gangs of New York”, part street-fight from “Anchorman”, as the cats, rabbits, and squirrels of the neighborhood waged war against each other. Much like the Bloods, Crips, and Latin Kings, the three species had grown tired of sharing their territory and had decided to do something about it. The fight likely began at some pre-appointed time after the humans had gone to bed and these three souls were the casualties that had been left behind as all sides retreated to their hideouts at day break. No doubt cats, rabbits, and squirrels all across the city were pouring their 40s on the ground in remembrance of their fallen comrades.

In the Imagination section of my brain, that story made some sort of twisted sense to me. At the same time, the Logic section was kicking the crap out of the Imagination section, like a bully would a nerd. Short torn from the beating and hair wet from the swirly my Logic section had handed out, my Imagination section quickly shrunk away to cry in its room, while vowing to someday be avenged.

Perhaps that was the wrong way to go. Sure, people might think I’m slightly saner than I might actually be (though that’s likely gone now thanks to this insipid blog). But in the end, is it really that great of a thing that Logic continues to rule my brain the way Mike Dexter rules Huntington Hills High School in “Can't Hardly Wait”? Sometimes I wonder if life in general wouldn’t be a little better if we were all a little more in touch with the Imagination section of our brains. Perhaps I should have turned the Cat-Rabbit-Squirrel War of 2009 into a 12 page short story like I would have in the 3rd grade. Surely Pixar has a use for something like that before its next feature film.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Grading the Non-Deal

One of the more popular thing for sports website to do these days is to "grade the deal" when a trade is made. Said websites will look over a recent trade in any of the sports and judge who came out of the deal on top. Being the trade/free agent/draft nut that I am, I tend to read a lot of these pieces. I'd like to take on this concept tonight. However, I'd like to grade the deal that DIDN'T happen.

Various reports I heard and read today informed us that the Mavericks and Clippers had recently engaged in some trade talk. The focus of the discussion was on Jason Kidd and some of the Clippers excessively expensive players. The Clippers, being the Clippers, are low on cash and apparently aren't happy with having so many big contract players while winning only 11 games thus far. The reported terms of the deal would have had the Mavs sending Jason Kidd to LA for Baron Davis and Chris Kaman. Reportedly the Mavs brass turned this deal down but the speculation has gotten everyone around town buzzing. The debate of whether or not it was a good decision to walk away from this deal has been raging.

I'm going to catch some flack for my opinion on this, but for me this is a no brainer: Cuban and Nelson unquestionably made the right call.

On paper this looks like an easy trade for the Mavs to make. When he's motivated and on his game, Baron Davis is one of the NBA's best offensive point guards. He is aggressive and physical and he's never met a shot he didn't like. Likewise, Kaman is one of the better young centers in the league today when healthy. Last year he averaged 15 points and 13 boards per game to go along with 3 blocks. He's a major upgrade to Erick Dampier. Kidd, meanwhile, is in the last year of his contract and aging. He'll be 36 by the time the next season rolls around. That's ancient in point guard years. An all-star caliber center and a dominating point guard in exchange for an aging legend who might leave at the end of the season seems like an easy call.

But there's a dark side to this deal, too. Injuries are a major factor for both of these guys. Before last season, Baron had missed an average of 26 games per year over the last 5 years. This season he's already missed 15. He is constantly injured which is a direct result of his conditioning and weight issues. You could start an office pool on how much Baron will way when he reports to training camp each year. Kaman isn't much better on the injury front. He missed 26 games last year and has missed 38 so far this time around. Kaman, in my book, is much less of a risk but a risk nonetheless.

And then we move on to attitude and game play. The biggest issue here is that Mavs fans remember Baron Davis as the guy who absolutely TORCHED their team in the first round of the 2007 playoffs. Baron brought his absolute highest level of swagger to that series and intimidated the heck out of the Mavs. He talked trash then backed it up and also managed to hit every single ridiculous shot he took. He was physical and powerful as he abused every Mav sent to guard him.

The problem is, that Baron Davis doesn't really exist. The real Baron Davis is a guy who rarely brings his A game is far More concerned with his life off the court than on. The physical gift is there but he has always lacked long term motivation. He will continually show up out of shape or downright fat and take months to work himself into shape. Davis has perhaps the worst shot selection in the NBA while shooting at a miserable 41% for his career. He takes shots when he wants from wherever he wants regardless of what's going on in the game. For all the "leadership" props that have been thrown his way, he's never made it out of the second round in the playoffs and has pretty much left under bad circumstances everywhere he's been. this god-like Baron Davis that most Mavs fans see is a myth, a guy who existed for about 10 games two years ago and likely won't make another appearance until his next contract year.

Which takes us into the next sticking point. The contracts on both Davis and Kaman are bad. Kaman's is only bad because of his injury issues but it's long, lasting through 2012. Davis, on the other hand, has a maximum contract that he signed only 7 short months ago which lasts through 2013. When that deal is up, he will be 34 years old and given his injury and conditioning history, might be rolling around out there on a wheel chair. This deal would essentially marry the Mavs to two injury prone question marks for the next 3 or 4 years. If nothing else, consider this: why are the Clippers so willing to get rid of both of these players in exchange for Kidd, whom they will never resign this off season? Sure, it's the Clippers, and sure, they're a cheap organization. But their not in the business of giving their players away. Davis was signed in this past off season. You have to ask why they are so quick to give him away.

The true answer to that question is they've gotten a glimpse of the real Baron Davis and it hasn't been pretty. He's been injured A LOT but even when he's in the game, he's shooting a career low from the field, taking 5 three pointers per game, and has already feuded with his coach on numerous occasions. He's completely lost motivation and the only time the Mavs would have seen that motivation between now and 2013 would have been the 3 or 4 times a year when they'd play the Clippers and Baron would want to prove something.

Not making this deal was probably very hard for the Mavs front office. It's very, very tempting on paper and it would have invigorated the average Mavs fan who remembers the 2007 Playoff Baron. But in the end, holding off was the right call. But the real grade will be determined by what else comes their way before the trading deadline on the 19th.

Grade - A+

Monday, February 9, 2009

The Quest for the PS3

I'm not much of a gamer. Somehow the gene that is found within 90% of the males from my generation that contains Video Game Ability was not handed out to me. We didn't have a Nintendo or other system growing up and I've still just never really embraced the Gamer mentality. My video game playing history is made of about 95% sports games, such as Madden and NBA Live. I pretty much suck at every other game and even the sports games I play almost always on the easiest level.

Over the course of the last few years I have owned 3 systems. When my used Play Station 2 crapped out I bought an Xbox. When I started grad school I decided I needed to be rid of all distractions and sold the Xbox. After my first semester of grad school was finished I bought an Xbox 360 as a reward. Recently I handed my 360 off to my brother because it had, in all honesty, become a very expensive DVD player. I just wasn't playing much. I thought my video game playing days were over.

And then the unexpected happened. I started missing the games. I'd come home early from time to time and want to do nothing more than load up NCAA Football and use Texas Tech to kick the crap out of Oklahoma (something that apparently can only happen in Video Game World). But there was no way I was going to spend the cash on a new system right after I got rid of mine.

Then over the Christmas break Lindsey and I went over to the McBrooms house (yes, the same people who run a Children's Gang) and I had my first extended contact with the PS3. We played a game called Buzz Quiz, which I've described as Trivial Pursuit for Dumb People. It is AWESOME! Everyone has a wireless buzzer and the questions lend themselves to useless sports, movie, and music knowledge, which I have an insane abundance of. I loved it. Lindsey loved it. And the door was open!

I came to the decision that I would wait on the PS3 until after the wedding. There were enough expenses to go around as it was. But upon entering a Soon To Be Closing Circuit City, I stumbled across a table displaying 2 PS3s at a ridiculously reduced price. My eyes widened, my jaw dropped, I drooled a little. I decided to hold off for the moment and think about this decision rather than making a spontaneous purchase (the bane of budgets everywhere).

I talked to Lindsey about this purchase. After all, any money spent here would be coming directly out of the Honeymoon Budget, if not the Life After Wedding Budget. In the end, I decided to buy the darned thing and for the first time ever, enjoy the very VERY small amount of money I now have. (Stress on the very.) We jumped in the car and headed to The Land of Circuits. Somewhere along the way Jason joined us and our quest began.

Upon pulling into the CC parking lot, it suddenly hit me that it was Friday evening and there would likely be a million people pouring into these stores looking for PS3s, greatest hits albums, and John Travolta movies. (Just kidding about that last one; nobody wants those.) Would the PS3 still be here? My concern was validated when we entered the store and found the table where the PS3s had been, empty. Blerg. I should have just bought the thing when I had the chance!

After numerous attempts to call other CC locations, my merry band of adventurers and I trekked on to the CC in Hulen. Now this CC was a completely different animal than the one in Hurst. The store had never been updated from the mid 90s and in general it had the feel of a New Orleans-like ransacked store being looted. Everyone here was very edgy, as if at any moment the entire crowd might grab whatever they could get their hands on and rush out in mass exodus. The seriously undermanned staff would be powerless to prevent this. We asked around and were told that the PS3 had sold out long ago. Blerg again.

After more calls to other CC locations, my ever increasingly agitated band of adventurers and I trekked to the CC in Lake Worth. Here it appeared that the looting that was about to take place at Hulen had already come to fruition. There was next to nothing of interest left. Defeated, we didn't even bother to ask any of the suspicious looking employees if they had any PS3s.

Defeated, we headed over the Matt and Angie's place. They informed us that they had been only minutes behind us at the CC in Lake Worth and had, in fact, seen numerous PS3s. Blerg! How could I have missed this? It was too late to make the trip back as the store was about to close. The next day I awoke with the dawn (that is a lie), brushed my teeth, threw a hat on and drove out to Lake Worth CC. I arrived 30 minutes before they opened and sat in the parking lot, along with another gentleman who apparently had the same idea. As the magical hour approached, more and more people started showing up. By the time the clock struck 10, two dozen cars full of people were waiting. I was the fourth person in the store and I made a bee line to the hidden spot Matt and Angie had spoken of. There, locked away in a vault even Wells Fargo would be proud of, was the fabled PS3.

After three Circuit Cities and five trips in total, my quest was ended. Many brave adventurers were lost along the way. But I got my PS3 in all its glory. And, true to form, the one game I bought was NCAA Football.

Friday, February 6, 2009

2008 Movie Rankings

As noted in my review for "The Wrestler", I am not a professional movie critic. (Still awaiting offers, Ebert and Roeper.) Therefore, I often don't get to see many of the films that make their debuts during award season until sometime after the end of the year. This year is no exception. Several of the films I looked forward to most as Award Season approached weren't even available to the masses in Dallas/Fort Worth until recently. I don't feel like it would be proper to have a rankings list when I have yet to take in some of Hollywood's best. As such, my annual movie rankings can't really make their debut until some time in February (like February 7th for instance). But with "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" (review to come) finally under my belt, I've gotten to see the majority of the nominated movies; at least the ones that I'm ever going to get to.

So without further delay, I present to you, dear reader(s), my official 2008 Movie Rankings, number 1 through 55.

A+
Batman: The Dark Knight
Slumdog Millionaire
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

A
Tropic Thunder
Seven Pounds
Iron Man
WALL*E
Marley and Me
Hancock
The Wrestler
Burn After Reading

A-
Quantum of Solace
Step Brothers
Defiance
Baby Mama

B+
The Rocker
Definitely, Maybe
In Bruges

B
Pride and Glory
Eagle Eye
Cloverfield
Vantage Point
The Bank Job
Incredible Hulk

B-
21
Smart People
Righteous Kill
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Appaloosa
The Express
Superhero Movie

C+
Bedtime Stories
Run Fatboy Run
Leatherheads
Cassandra’s Dream
Hellboy II: The Golden Army

C
Babylon A.D.
Drillbit Taylor
Horton Hears a Who
What Happens in Vegas

C-
Mamma Mia!
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
Twilight

D+
Semi Pro
The Lucky Ones
You Don’t Mess with the Zohan
Indiana Jones and the Curse of the Crystal Skull

D
The Happening
Jumper
Strange Wilderness

D-
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2
10,000 BC
The Other Boleyn Girl

F
In the Name of the King
House Bunny

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Oliver Twist

On Super Bowl Sunday, Lindsey and I went with a couple of friends over to the home of Stephen and Katie McBroom. (aka, the McBroomsters.) As my years on this earth have grown longer, I have found myself less and less inclined towards Big Party Groups during sporting events. This changes when one of my teams is playing and I can surround myself with like-minded fans but this was not the case for the Super Bowl. So a small group of friends was right up my alley on this evening.

Had I known what was in store for me, I would have made my way to The Vine gathering.

I am a creature of comfort and this fact is exemplified in my clothing, specially my pants or shorts. I will always choose jeans over slacks, cargo shorts over jeans, and athletic shorts over cargos. In addition, when I'm sitting for an extended period of time, I don't like to have stuff in my pockets. So when I walked into the McBroomsters house, the first thing I did was set my wallet, keys, and phone on the kitchen table so I could get all comfortable and whatnot.

Now, you should know that the McBrooms have an "infant." His name is Mitchell or Mitchy Mitcherson or the Dread Pirate Mitchell or whatever other devious name I might come up with between now and the end of this blog. Mitchell is a funny kid. He's like 15 months old or something like that so he's right at that age where he's not quite sure about other humans he doesn't see every day but at the same time he thinks he might possibly enjoy playing with said other humans. After Sunday I think this might all be an act he pulls to sucker unsuspecting guests into trusting his little baby face.

Sometime into the 3rd quarter, as I wondered if Larry Fitzgerald was ever going to get going (spolier: he did), Mitchell brought his mom a present: my wallet. Apparently having eyed my possessions the moment I walked in, Mitchell built a ladder out of dining room chairs (OK, maybe just one chair), scaled the table, and took hold of my wallet. This is no ordinary infant, dear readers.

As Katie handed my wallet back to me and we all had a good laugh, I realize that all of my cash was missing. Look I don't usually carry around a lot of bills but on this night I was. There was a good chunk of money in there. At first I thought surely it must have just fallen out as Mitchell played with the wallet. So I got up to look for my missing money but couldn't find it anywhere. Meanwhile the rest of the group thought I was joking (or perhaps they were all in on a plot to split my cash). I searched high and low, all the while Mitchell watched me with a look that was half "I'm a cute baby who doesn't know anything" and half "You better stop looking for your money, old man, that stuff is GONE."

Finally the others caught on to the fact that my money really was missing and, much to Mitchell's disappointment, Stephen joined me in the search. A few minutes later the truth was revealed: the money was found in Mitchell's crib. So this kid had scaled Mount Dining Room Table, snatched my wallet, stashed the cash away, possibly made some phone charges to my credit card (I haven't checked yet), and then slyly handed the empty wallet over and played dumb to its missing content.

I'm convinced he wasn't acting alone. Perhaps in the Weaver/McBroom family, children are taught the value of the quiet foot, a quick hand, and a big smile. Surely a 15 month old cannot learn how to lift a wallet all on his own. I'm inclined to dub Mitchell Oliver Twist because I'm certain the family is running some sort of children's con artist gang. I've got my eye on you Weavers/McBrooms. And next time I visit that house I'll be sure to take a page out of Derrick's book and leave my wallet in the back-dash of the car. Much safer.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Mavs Draft Blunders

Recently while watching a Boston Celtics game, I began pondering the issues that have left the Mavs a middle of the pack team with little hope of winning an NBA Title anytime soon. Part of the issue is the lack of consistency from anyone on the squad besides Dirk and Jet. When Dirk is off, or even worse, when he goes to the bench, the team goes to pot.

While I'm thinking about this, I'm watching the Celtics take all three of their All Stars (Garnett, Pierce, and Ray Allen) out of the game and proceed to extend their lead with their subs in the game. Boston has extreme depth and players manning the bench who know what their roles are and what is expected of them night in and night out. What struck me in this moment of enlightenment was how many of the subs on the floor were Celtic draft picks.

I love the NBA Draft. I follow it year round and I am a student of its history, as you can tell by my recent "Reviewing the Draft" columns. I think it's incredibly interesting to see where teams make the obvious pick, where they screw up epically, and where they find steals. A franchise's fate sometimes depends entirely, for better or worse, on the success of a particular lottery pick. Perhaps as important is a team's ability to pick up talented role players late in the draft.

Boston is a shining example of excellent scouting and selecting players that produce in the NBA. They start three player that were originally drafted by the franchise and when they go to their bench there are six other original Boston draftees that coach Doc Rivers can go to. That's an astounding number, especially considering that just 18 months ago, the Celtics gave up a lot of their young talent in the Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen trades. Being a bad team certainly helped them stockpile the talent needed to pull off those trades. But they aren't just getting results from their early picks. Starting center Kendrick Perkins and backup shooting guard Tony Allen were late first round picks while Glen Davis and Leon Powe were second round picks. They've drafted guys that have games that translate to the NBA and who understand and take to the role they are given.

So I did the research. I wanted to see how many players each NBA team currently has on their roster which were originally drafted by the franchise. (Note: I went ahead and counted "Draft Day Trades" as original picks. Also, this research was done a few weeks ago so it's possible that a few minor trades have messed with these numbers.)

Oklahoma City has 10 players currently under contract that were original draftees of the franchise. The Celtics have 9 drafted players on their roster, tying them for second with Chicago, Portland, and Utah. Charlotte, Detroit, and Philadelphia aren't far behind, with 7 apiece. Then a host of teams have either 5 or 6 original draft picks on their roster. Denver, New Orleans, and Orlando are tied for next to last with only 4 draftees each, though each has added a franchise player (Carmelo Anthony, Chris Paul, and Dwight Howard, respectively) through the draft in the last 5 years.

And which team, you ask, comes in last on this list? My very own Dallas Mavericks, who have a whopping 2 players under contract that were originally drafted by the franchise. Two. To make that even worse, those two players are Dirk Nowitzki and Josh Howard. Dirk was drafted in 1998, Howard in 2003. Meaning not a single player on this team was drafted in the last 5 years. It should be noted that the Mavs made a blockbuster move to obtain Jason Kidd last season, a trade in which they gave up 2 draftees (Devin Harris and Maurice Ager). Still, even with those players on the squad, the Mavs would be tied for last in the league.

Look, every team misses in the draft. Sometimes a team drafts on potential and it doesn't pan out. Sometimes they draft based on position and a more talented player slips by. And sometimes a team drafts a surefire prospect and for some reason it doesn't work out.

But what the Mavs have done goes beyond that. What this demonstrates is a complete and total inability to find players in the draft that can make the club and actually contribute to the team's success. Whether it's first round picks or late second rounders, this team continually shows at best a disregard for the draft and at worse an incompetence in evaluating talent. And in doing so they have left themselves inconsistent, old, and lacking in prospects to either develop or trade for help.