Sick-Sick Day

Growing up I got sick all the time. Ear infections, throat issues, stomach bug, whatever, I always seemed to catch whatever was going around and I always seemed to get the worst case. I was quite the sickly kid. That extended until I started teaching. My first (and only) year in the classroom saw me set a world record for legitimate sick days. Those darn kids and their sicknesses. But when it was all said and done my immune system had finally manned up and gotten its act together. I never get sick-sick anymore. One year of teaching PE was to my immune system what our yellow Sun is to Superman. As such, I haven’t been to the doctor for an illness related issue in about four years.

Anyway, I finally did get sick-sick. I haven’t felt my best since Christmas. I guess I haven’t gotten enough rest and the crazy weather hasn’t helped much. You know how you can feel when you’re about to get sick? I’m a master at reading that feeling and just refusing to let myself get sick-sick. Not this time, however. It started with that ol’ sore throat and progressed to the sinus junk, the congestion, etc. finally coming to a head today with the fever and, my favorite, the body aches. I woke up this morning after having slept about two hours and I knew it was time. The over the counter stuff wasn’t going to cut it and I needed an antibiotic. I was going to have to go to the doctor.

My problem is I don’t have a doctor. I never get sick-sick, so why would I have a doctor? The last time I had to go to a doctor to get a wart removed, I went to my old family doctor. His botching of the procedure almost cost me the tip of my finger. (At least that’s how it went down in my head. I hate doctors.) Clearly I’m not going back there so I wound up back in the CareNow lobby. I’ve been to CareNow three times in the last year. I went once for a physical, once to have the above procedure rectified, and once with Lindsey when she had a dizzy spell. All three times I’ve exited and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “I have GOT to find a real doctor.”

On paper, the CareNow concept is great. It’s pretty cheap, you can get in without an appointment, and you can even check in online, the greatest decision this company could ever make. But the experience is never good, at least not for me. The nurses are great, but I always feel like the doctor is either hung-over or got his medical degree from Kazakhstan. Today was no exception. I knew I had an upper respiratory infection, the nurse knew I had an upper respiratory infection, and the second nurse I spoke to later knew I had an upper respiratory infection. The doctor, however, would not accept an upper respiratory infection as the cause for my illness. He did a flu swab and ordered blood work. Then he told me a nurse would be down to take chest x-rays because, and I kid you not, even though my lungs were 100% clear, I could still have pneumonia. I questioned this move. He said I was going to end up paying my full $140 co-pay anyway, might as well be safe. All I wanted was some antibiotics.

20 minutes later that second nurse I mentioned came in to collect a blood sample. It should be noted that I am freaked out by needles, syringes, little finger clickers, or anything that can draw blood out of my body. When I was four, my doctor thought I had meningitis and I got to have that wonderful spinal tap done to me while at the same time a moronic nurse who looked like Sarah Jessica Parker in “Flight of the Navigator” failed seven times to get an IV into my arm. I’m still kind of messed up by this. Anyway, I looked away and she did her thing, only apparently I have super human blood that refuses to come out upon command. She had to squeeze my finger approximately 25 times (not kidding) before she could fill her little vial. I felt like Seymour Krelborn giving blood to Audrey II. (Yeah, that’s right, I went with back-to-back 80’s movie references.) I nearly blacked out because I am a total girl with blood stuff and had to take a minute before I could get the x-rays taken care of.

Another 30 minutes later and the doctor shows back up with the shocking news that I had neither the flu nor pneumonia and it was, “probably just an upper respiratory infection.” He offered me a steroid shot “just to be safe” and I told him I would likely jab him in the eye if he tried to get another needle into me today. He handed me my scripts and I got the heck out of dodge before he tried to make me turn my head and cough.

I dropped the prescriptions off at Walgreens and went across the street to get some juice. Apparently I make horrible, horrible purchasing decisions when I’m sick. These are the items I bought at Kroger: apple juice, orange juice, Lay’s potato chips, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, some sort of apple turnover, “Texas Style Cinnamon Rolls” (packed in stay fresh pouches!), and a box of Cap’n Crunch Berries. I still don’t know why I got that last one. I was a carton of Marlboro Reds away from being arrested for holding up a 7-11. At the end of the day, I was short a little blood, totally stocked up on Cap’n Crunch, and determined to find a legit doctor before the next time this happens.

My finger has a heart beat,
Brian